wanna go halves on a baby?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
