We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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