Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
