Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
