so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize