My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
