I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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