Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
