1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
