So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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