I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize