my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
