How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
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So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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