Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
