Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
