her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
