no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
