I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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