My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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