The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
