If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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