A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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