Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
