just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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