OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
