When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
