I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
