so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
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I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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