between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
