Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
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