they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Apparently you make a good broom.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
