whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
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I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
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I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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