wanna go halves on a baby?
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.