Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.