Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My ass is underappreciated