Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.