I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling