Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left