Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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