These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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