glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
