By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
