If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
