I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
