Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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