I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
