Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
