a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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