my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
