Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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