when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
