Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize