As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
