I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
