Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Enjoy the penises
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
