You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
