Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
