Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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