I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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