I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
smell my finger.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
