How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
