How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
