I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
