I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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