$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work