you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I want to be your penis for a week.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?