At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
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Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
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Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.