my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
