I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
